A swimmer who forgot how to swim.

Drowning. Grasping towards nothing in hopes of salvation. Hoping that there’s something to grab. Others holding onto my limbs. Keeping me from being able to swim. In and out of the waters of depression. Whatever energy I have I use to lift others up, as I drown. Falling, sinking. I sink farther and farther into the abyss of nothingness. My yells are unheard. My rants are unheard. They fall onto deaf ears. Ears that never wanted to hear. They would rather listen to their emptiness echo in their minds. I sink. I’ve sank. I’ve died. No one even aware that I had. Others had nothing but rocks to give me. I didn’t want to be lonely, so I held onto them. Unaware of what that did to me. Deeper and deeper I go. Their rocks were the baggage I carried for them. The floor didn’t comfort me the way I thought it would. It absorbed me. Underneath it all, I died.

I cared too much. I thought this would make them love me. I thought that is where my energy should go. It did nothing but drain me, sink me farther and farther to places where I was only surrounded by the darkest of dark.

I tend to be a giver. A giver of knowledge. A giver of time. A giver of wisdom. A giver for the sake of giving.

Hardly do I ever get anything in return. Oh, how selfless of me. Oh, how stupid of me.

I want nothing more in life than to inspire others, to make others follow their dreams, to push people to become the best versions of themselves.

Many of those that have been in my life constantly complain about depression, anxieties, circumstances, and failures.

I like a sponge, absorbed all their traumas, spent hours of my time giving them solutions.

They never listened. They just loved the attention. They loved the pity. They loved their sorrows.

They left me parched. They left me drained. Left me dry.

They stuck, to their patterns. They drank, till they drowned. They smoked, till they felt high.

All temporary solutions, temporary highs, temporary goodbyes, to their deeply rooted issues.

I got tired. Tired of being drowned. Tired of swallowing their waves of sadness.

I finally realized my worth. I can’t save anyone from drowning.

Especially, if I never lift myself up onto the boat first.

I am a vessel that is hunting greatness and success.

It’s a boat now. But those same people won’t be there to coast the waters on my yacht.